full of games day // ciayo.

so this morning i was ready and then a text came from juned saying that he was late.. so i said, ok.. and then few minutes later theres another text came from aldyFu.. when he knew that i'd be going later and he knew the reason wasn't for me, i think he started to nag there. lol

okay, so while waiting for juned to come down, i realized that i was being a very patient and kindest girl ever while talking to Saga about his working problems.. i was actually going to complain and complain about what had happened before.. but knowing that he sounded so desperate, i couldnt help to be like that.. you can do it SagaMan!! :)

so after we reached church, we prepared everything, and then we prayed and started the service.. service went well.. everything went fine.. then during the sermon me, Fu and aboL were trying to find information about k Jo, but what he did was hacking my fb account. =.=" this was what he wrote:

I love flowers. They are colorful, beautiful, fragrant.

The most important thing, they made me happy.

and some people actually liked the status. hahahaha.. -.-" weird. 

so yeah, after service, me, aboL, Fu and the Jos watched some youtube videos on stomp and vocapeople, then we tried to look for the karaoke place that we'd go later on.. and then i showed it to juned and he said, "oh easy" and just walked away asking everyone to go to oma's when he actually left us in church and went by himself with pa kris.. =.=" tengal.. then aboL and me went to suriamas and oma to pick earL up.. Fu went to sunU to drop Jos and arthy at pyramid.. so we met at oma's and we had lunch there.. and 4 of us trying the cup games! yay! :D it was fun. hahahaha.. didn't expect that aldyFu was interested in the game. hahah.. then Fu handed me his car key cos he didn't wanna drive and juned said that he was sleepy, so he handed me the car key and right at the moment i got it, it was taken away by juned, "what is this? you're asking a girl to drive??" (i was like, awwwwwh, but then, next second i was like, yeah right.. and you usually let me drive right? lol. guysss)

and then we all went to meeples again to play the free game, the Ra or something.. hahaha.. it's a bidding game.. juned, ovr, earL, Fu and aboL.. when the person was explaining the rules for us, i was sleepy. hahaha.. i was like, errr.. okayyyy.. i put my head down on the table while listening to it.. then i think everybody noticed it. hahaha.. so then we tried to play the game, eventhough we were confused but yeah, we just played to kill time. hahaha.. and juned started saying things like "this game is so fun" (sarcastically. LOL) and Fu started to join him saying it. hahahah.. and he was like seriously sarcastically.. hmm. then me and juned went to printing shop while aboL and earL went to get some drinks and Fu changed his clothes.. then when i went out from the printing shop, and i saw that juned and aldyFu were standing beside the car (left side) and fought for the front seat. omg! so cute i tell you!!! hahaha.. they were like, "its mine, its mine!!!" (pushing each other), "its mine, its mine!!!!! and i was like =_______=" and in the end juned let it go. hahahahaha.. so yeah, we waited for earL and aboL then we went to cheras.. viva home..

and then on the way there, juned actually made a mistake. he went to the wrong lane.. he went to smart tag line.. so he reversed the car and went to the right one. and i was like, "err, do you wanna say sorry?" and he was "sorry, i was wrong" and all of us were like "WOW!!!! IMPROVEMENT!!!!" lol. hahahh.. and he was blushing. hahahahah.. and then we went up to the viva karaoke and then we sang and sang and sang.. for 4 hours. =.=" hahha.. and it was actually like mine, aboL and earL's karaoke time, cos juned and Fu were sleeping. hahahaha.. that's so weird.. how could they sleep when we were shouting and singing loudly???. hahahahh.. =.=" but glad that everyone had fun!

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

then after that, we walked to the cinema, and suddenly juned said, "eh why did you fart Fu?" a and we all stood far far away from him.. hahahah.. and he got irritated. and angry i think. hahhah.. but then he was fine later on..  then we went to have our dinner at wan tan mee shop.. juned, me, earL, aboL, and Fu.. after eating we actually had much food left. so we played these food games, the count 7 and the fingers.. there it was my "wonder woman" identity revealed.. =.=" cos juned used my satay stick that was actually broken already.. and by coincidence, i hit his arm while he was using it.. and it happened that it broke again. and he laughed at me for being super strong.. =.=" (ya la ya la i am strong.. and tough, wonder woman. :p wekz) and i got to eat 3 dumplings and 2tusuk rojak.. juned got to eat 1 dumpling and most of the rojak and the sauce.. and earL got to drink the soup of the dumpling.. lol. the winner was aldy. hahahahaha.. and all of us were too full of the foods and just sat quietly, but Fu was really happy being the least to eat the food punishment. 

and then we reached oma's and i drove home.. we were talking about future. oh man, what will my future be?? :s 

oh, btw, pa satpam d tmpt juned uda apal muka si juned yg d jemputin orang mulu. hahhah.. i found that funny man. hahahahah.. :P

and i was waiting for your reply

the whole day.

Say Hi to Good Bye?

so after a long day i had teaching in ara, i went to church for music practice. after picking up juned, we went to sunU for the Jos.. the practice took a bit longer time, cos we have these new kids, the Jos. ocha and Jojo.. and i was actually happy that juned actually helped out to teach them some basics of playing bass and guitar.. also was happy seeing them improving in a short time.. and they could play hatiku percaya's interlude perfectly! while juned made mistakes. hahahah :P

 Fu's valentine choco for us :p

 Fu's new way to put his hair back.

so yeah, after a quite long chit chat in church, we finally decided to have dinner at hong leong? it's actually hiing fatt?.. lol. i forgot its name already. so yeah, aldyFu was driving me, juned and arthy. we had a quite nice dinner. and then the questions were asked. "what are (insert name here)'s flaws and goodness?" it was a good question to ask.. it brought us closer.. (especially for me, it's kinda breaking the distance that was there before). so, mainly, it was juned and aldy talking, arthy (as usual. sigh) only being a listener.. so these were the answers about me:

flaws:

1. kurang dandan, ga care about penampilan.., ga fashionable - you know who ;)

2. kurang jaga diri (badan), dominating boys so much (the younger ones? you mean), galak (haha) - you know who again ;)

3. .........., ......................., (complete silence) - arthy

and then they kept thinking and thinking, to add more of my flaws.. i gave them more time, well more and more and more time, but still they couldn't find my flaws. hahaha.. i wished they could tell me more on this. :s (okay, maybe this was weird, people should be happy when others cant find their flaws, but i was sad.)

"im fine with her character" - :)

"eh, are you kidding me??! why cant we find her other flaws??" - Fu

goodness:

1. very good listener - you know who ;)

2. strong and tough (LOL), sabar, good teacher, bisa memposisikan diri, tau kpn act based on feelings, tau kapan act based on logic, - you know who ;)

3. ........................, .............................., ....................., good supporter, .................., .........., ........... - arthy. =.=

and on the way home, i told them about one of my love stories since they started on "loyalty" topic. hehehe.. they think im a loyal person. yay! and on the way home, as usual, it was a silent trip. where i was driving and the other was sleeping.. =.=

thank you for this day Lord.

question for you:

what are my bad points? what are my good points?

and i miss you

miss talking to you.

really.

:(

do you read my blog?

thank you for the opportunity..

this how guys could change with a snap! in the afternoon a guy said, "all girls are selfish"' but then, look what he'd do at night!!! and there's another guy saying "all guys are too scared to admit that they are selfish" TRUE.

once there was this guy told me about his plans making surprise for the girl he likes (well thats what i think, he likes. but he keeps saying no) and when i was listening to him talking, i was thinking to myself, wow it'd be nice if someone would do it for me.. and today the same guy was telling me how he wanted to give surprise to these close friends of his.. so i gave suggestions and answers and opinions (of course without "inserting" my emoness in my answers. lol - but he knew what i was going through anyway.. so it's okay)

and then the day went not that smooth.. i'd had thoughts and hope that today would have been better than yesterday.. but still.. oh well, it wasnt as smooth. again and again, i didnt feel special anymore, and it made me angry.. well, for whatever reason it was, i shouldn't be angry right? :\ but knowing that im not special anymore, not the person that Someone would find in Someone's free time even abit just to check on me, oh well, for whatever reasons it were, i shouldn't be angry.. but i was. angry for reasons i couldn't tell..

and so, another invitation came from the other gang for a dinner and midnight movie.. well, i didn't wanna go, cos yeah, it's not them the reason, it's me. (sorry guys.. not today) so i chose to accept the other invitation from mr.L for supper.. cos i'd known that i'd be emo alone at home with nobody talking to me.. and i did feel like talking to mr.L and just needed to laugh more and told him everything.. so yeah, i reached home and i saw his nice car waited for me. i went in, and there he went, "okay, this is for you." (there's a big bouquet of flowers sitting on the front seat) and i was like, "huh? what? isn't this for G?" he was like, "nope, it's for you" me went "but you said it was for G" him "it's a surprise what.." yeah true. thats what i thought..

so we did this fun crime.. lol. hope they liked it as i did (eventhough he was convinced that my favorite color was purple?!?! he even didnt know what my favorite color was??? how long have we been friends mr.L?? you tell me! =.="). and what made me surprise was this line where he went "i hope i make everybody happy tonight" i knew he didn't mean me, but that line got me thinking for a while, am i happier tonight? (i hope Someone would be jealous seeing this pic.)

thank you. :)

and so, since i said, i didnt wanna go home, we went for a mamak talk at dj, we just talked about our hot topic, runningman and how gary's so sincere to jihyo, about life, about love, about guys and girls, about everything.. and there's a hanging message about 12am.. hm, (thats when i know..............)

why didnt u just text to check on me

and u didnt read my texts

:(

oh well, time to sleep soon. anyways, thank you mr.L again for the opportunity to feel special when a guy gave a girl flower. and thanks for the laughs and kindness and care you've shown. for at least not letting me be alone tonight.. for making me feel less emo. i feel relieved. abit. hehe..

nol,im waiting.

Han Namjaga isso, nol nomu saranghan.. Han Namjaga isso, saranghae maldo mo tha nun..

so, this morning, the moment i opened my eyes, this song played in my head. and it has been playing there in my head since then.. this is a korean song, sung by kim jong kook-sshi, my lil sis' boyfriend =.=" (she likes him so much!) this is it, Han Namja, means One Man..

cham orae-dwan-nabwa / i mal chocha mosaek hal mankum
ni nunbinman bwado nol hwonhi ta anun
ni chin-guchorom noye kurimja chorom

nul hamkke hae-nnabwa / niga himdul-ttaena sulpul ttae
werowo hal-ttaedo ddo ibyol alh-koso
apahal-ttaedo ni nunmul taggajul

han namjaga-isso nol nomu saranghan
han namjaga isso saranghae maldo mo-tha-nun
ni gyote son nae-milmyon ggot tah-ul koriye
chasinboda agginun nol gachin naeka isso

norul utke hanuni-rochik keugonman saengga-kha-go
onje odisona norul barabogo
nol kuriwo hago ni kokchongman hanun

han namjaga-isso nol nomu saranghan
han namjaga isso saranghae maldo mo-tha-nun
ni gyote son nae-milmyon ggot tah-ul koriye
chasinboda agginun nol gachin naeka isso

chonboncchum sam-kigo wo / tto manbonchum chuseuryo bojiman
ma-rha-go shipo michilgot katunde
nol warang nan an-go shipunde

han yojaga isso iron nal morunun
sarang badumyonso sarang injuldo morunun
namankum kkok pabogatun sulpun nol tugo
I sun-gan-do nunmuri najiman haengbo-khan gol
niga gyote itki ttaemun-iya 

한 남자
김종국 (Album: Evolution)

참 오래됐나봐 이 말 조차 무색 할 만큼
니 눈빛만 봐도 널 훤히 다 아는
니 친구처럼 너의 그림자 처럼

늘 함께 했나봐 니가 힘들때나 슬플 때
외로워 할때도 또 이별 앓고서
아파할때도 니 눈물 닦아줄-

한 남자가있어 널 너무 사랑한
한 남자가 있어 사랑해 말도 못하는
니 곁에 손 내밀면 꼭 닿을 거리에
자신보다 아끼는 널 가진 내가 있어

너를 웃게 하는 일오직 그것만 생각하고
언제 어디서나 너를 바라보고
널 그리워 하고 니 걱정만 하는

한 남자가있어 널 너무 사랑한
한 남자가 있어 사랑해 말도 못하는
니 곁에 손 내밀면 꼭 닿을 거리에
자신보다 아끼는 널 가진 내가 있어

천번쯤 삼키고 워- 또 만번쯤 추스려 보지만
말하고 싶어 미칠것 같은데
널 와락 난 안고 싶은데

한 여자가 있어 이런 날 모르는
사랑 받으면서 사랑 인줄도 모르는
나만큼 꼭 바보같은 슬픈 널 두고
이 순간도 눈물이 나지만 행복한 걸
니가 곁에 있기 때문이야-  

It must've been a long time. Long enough for these words to become colorless.
Even if I just see your eyes, I know everything,
Like your friend, like your shadow.

We must've been together always. When you're having hard time and you are sad,
even when you're lonely. Holding onto separation a bit longer,
Even when I'm hurting to wipe away your tears..

There's a man. Who loves you so much.
There's a man. Who can't even say I love you.
By your side, I put my hand out and
at a path where you can always reach me
I, who cherish you more than myself, am with you.

To make you laugh, I think of only that and
When and where ever you are I'm watching you and missing you.
And who worries of only you,

There's a man. Who loves you so much.
There's a man. Who can't even say I love you.
By your side I put my hand out and
at a path where you can always reach me
I, who cherish you more than myself, am with you.

For the thousandth time I swallow and again for ten thousandth time I try to set
everything straight. I want to tell you. I think I'm going to go insane but,
I want to embrace you all at one but...

There's a girl, who doesn't know I'm like this.
Who receives love but doesn't even know that it is love.
Leaving you, who is as foolish as I and sad,
At this moment tears come but I'm happy.
It's because you're by my side.

Maybe It's Too Late?

(i hope its not)

Dear Someone, maybe its too late to say/admit this. but i think............

nb: gmn carae bkin org yg uda nyerah utk bjuang lgi?

cos i really miss u these days.

"if you cant say kind words, say nothing at all"

(dnger tu ov.. =.=)

yeap, so what happened today was.. well, hari ni tu sala 1 hari porcupine ku.. =.= so, it started dari bbm yg bkin aku gdeg abis.. hm, yg bnere aku ga ada hak mara si ya.. itu hak dia mau ngpn, siapa aku juga kn.. tpi aku marah. like, bner2 marah. mpe orange bbm pun aku ga balesin.. tumben2an aku ga bls bbm orang.. mpe kya gtu ci.. pdhl kmrn nya baek2 aja ma org tu.. sigh. 

lalu hari ku dilanjutkan.. krn kegedegan ku, akirnya aku di jalan aku merenung ndiri (as usual) one thing that made me calm still was this "dun be scared. when God shakes up all your best laid plans, dun be scared *pat on my back* dun be scared, dun be scared" only those words made me calm.. then aku k ampac as usual.. then aku nonton runningman and tried to you know, cheered myself up.. then, ya ktawa2 kcil doank, but then when orgnya bbm aku, biiiihh, kgdegan kembali.. chef knew how angry i was. and the words i said were..................... sigh. super tajem. nusuk. nusuk kmana2..

lalu on the way teaching, i was so quiet in the car, then kyae si aunty tau de.. dia cm tried to give some solutions for my plans.. (thanks aunty for that.) cos i was way too quiet, yg mpe kyae aku down sedown2nya.. n aku jg lgi bbman ma parents ku.. then i went teaching at small wonders, the children there were a bit naughty.. thank God, she taught, not me. i really didnt have any mood and patience to teach them today. (sorry kids, especially to najla, arishey, and harrisen) one little thing happened today.. harrisen, he sticked to me, he didnt wna be far from me, he kept looking for my hand to hold. till the moment i had to go home, he almost cried when i let go of his hand, then i held it again.. and gave his hand to other teacher.. and i think to myself, he's the only male who doesn't give up on me..

then on the way to ampac, we talked few words, trus pas nyampe ampac then lunch, then ont he way k perodua, i listened to this song: Lay it Down by Jaci Velasquez (and then tears dropped.)

I've been looking till my eyes are tired of looking
Listening till my ears are numb from listening
Praying till my knees are sore from kneeling
On the bedroom floor

I know that You know that my heart is aching
I'm running out of tears and my will is breaking
I don't think that I can carry the burden of it anymore

All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are slowly slipping through my folded hands

So I'm gonna lay it down, I'm gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up, I know Your love will be enough
I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go, I'm gonna lay it down

I've been walking through this world like I'm barely living
Buried in the doubt of this hole I've been digging
But you're pulling me out and I'm finally breathing
In the open air

This room may be dark but I'm finally seeing
There's a new ray of hope and now I'm believing
That the past is the past and the future?s beginning
To look brighter now

'Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands

So I'm gonna lay it down, I'm gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up, Your love, Your love will be enough
I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go, I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna lay it down, I'm gonna lay it down

so d perodua aku bergalalu ria, mana pas emo2nya, aku mala d ceramain soal refund suninns.. grrrrrr.. bner2 malesin bangeettttt.. grrrrrrr.. then krn nunggunya lumayan, akirnya aku baru balesin org tu.. and dia ga tau apa sala dia. and mala bilang today was hard buat dia juga.. sigh. and again, that song bkin my tear dropped. at perodua???.. yep. tpi aku ga nangis jerat2i la.. cm setetes dua tetes doank.. 

then balik ampac, then i asked saphira to play violin and i accompanied her. and indeed, music made me relieved. abit. and then now, im home..............................

so, mgkn the best yg bisa describe keadaan ku skrg tu sperti landak yang klo d poke poke in orang, d poke poke in ma musuhnya, klo d poke poke in ma something yang ganggu dia, dia ga bisakluarin duri dia untuk protect dirinya. dia cm bisa tahan all the thorns supaya ga kluar, supaya ga sakitin org2 itu.. trying hard to keep the thorns inside.

*kasi bahu

want my shoulder?

-S-

what makes today "today"?

"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.

they shall mount up with wings like eagles,

they shall run and not be weary,

they shall walk and not faint." - Is 40:31

"shoulder?"

yes, pats when i was upset,

shoulder when i needed,

and companion when i needed someone to talk to,

thank you S. :)

(and hug)

ashley's cookies for me,

my only valentine present this year.

happy valentine everybody! <3